I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
