Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
