i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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