I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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