Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who died my cat blue again?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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