4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
