I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
