the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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