I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
