he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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