How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
