is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
