Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
