would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
