If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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