Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We need to rekindle our bromance
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
