Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bring me that man meat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
