Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
