Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
