Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
