just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
