brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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