Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
