i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
