I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
