I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
