she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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