Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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