So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
