I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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