you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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