The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
