You're my little dorito
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
