Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
