After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
