so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
