just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
