Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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