when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
