oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
