Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
