i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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