OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
