We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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