Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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