Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
