i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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