you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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