she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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