I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
