Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
