I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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