Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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